Ok already,ive closed down the nut house and im on to better things. So what's next in this journey. LIfe is getting shorter so im off and running. Most important thing in life. Let's all get this!! It's relationships. My family is awesome!! i have the most wonderful nieces, nephews, grandchildren, children and yes i can say today HUSBAND and friends. God has been so good to me. God bless our family and remember to stop and enjoy the people in your life. I find that time is getting more and more precious so spend it wisely. You'll never regret your investments in family. God bless. cindy

On to others

Ok so it's been a few months since Rebecca's death and I'll try to catch ya up on whats been going. Following Rebecca I gave it(the house) a rest for a few weeks. Another individual entered her name Angela(again, name change to proctect us nuts). NOW Angela is one "firecracker". Let's just say she has some "rage" isssues. So much so that she has already been kicked out once. I just recently let her back into the home. This time she has actually stated she has some anger issues she needs to work on. You know, my own recovery and relationship with Christ has not been a fast process. I'm one tuff "nut" and those "nuts" i attempt to help are just as tough if not tougher. Why do i say this? Because i have to remember Grace, Grace and more Grace. I believe God is attempting to teach me how to accept others and watch HIM change them. Let Go, let God. Sounds simple but u know me it's always been a tug of war. So anyway, let me tell you how Angela helped me yesterday. I have been attempting to fix the roof over the garage at this place. I have applied the "snow" product only to have it melt in the rain. So a few days ago i thought "ok, im going to tar the puppy". OH What fun in store for me! I went up the latter and started taring the seams on the roof. I turn around and there's this guy (friend of another house nut) sitting on the roof. He's blabbing, blab , blab non stop. He's Telling me how he's planning to "change the world" with all his big ideas. It becomes pretty obvious to me that this guy needs meds and he needs them now! I kindly ask him to get down. As he's climbing down the latter he states "this is a really rickity latter". Hey, i know that nutso, while your climbing down don't sue me to help fund your "changing the world project". Anyway, as he's going down the latter he apparently said something to Angela (the second woman in the house, I also have one other at this time) and she states "hey i live here, get the hell out of here". My thought, thanks angela! One more nut i don't have to worry about. Sometimes nuts take care of nuts. Oh, after i finished taring the roof, my hands, arms (up to my elbows) were covered in tar. My jeans and shirt were a mess as well. I knew i didn't have anything to take the stuff off with so i had the two nuts living in the house put plastic winco bags on my hands and the seat of my car. I drove home and hubby laugh and cleaned me up with a little gas. One nut to another, God Bless-Sandy

Out of my tree

So Hey, My name is Sandy(not really, I can't give you my real name because of the need to proctect the innocent, or not so inncocent). This is Rebecca in the picture(really). Anyway, my purpose in writing this blog is to hopefully give me a place to vent and to help me stay in touch with what really matters. See, i openned this women's recovery/transitional living home a few months back. God is so faithful because it (this home) has actually put me in many ways on the "hot seat" in my relationship with God. I don't always want to look at my true self :( But hey we all know that's how we grow and it's needless to say very humbling. I had wanted to do this recovery home for quite some time. With lots begging and surrendering then begging (i do that surrender take it back surrender take it back) Anyway, my husband agree to us purchasing this home. It's a little home, two bedrooms, one bath. I srubbed and plainted this place from head to toe. Or let's say roof to floor. It was very, very filthly. I want you to admire my work(no codependency here). Anyway, the first woman in was Rebecca. I think about Rebecca just about every day. She continues to bless me. Rebecca was newly separated from her spouse and her divorce would be final in about 30 days. She was so sweet and she allowed me into her life. At times i really thought that she was doing well. She attended church with me and 12 meetings. During her stay i was open and she knew that i too had struggles. One night we attended a Christian 12 step meeting. I can't even tell you why I was crying at that meeting today but i was crying. Anyway, after the meeting i was talking to another woman( who has helped me termendously).Anyway, Rebecca walked up to me as i was sitting there and kissed me on the cheek and said "I'll see ya tomarrow". Through Soak stained racoon eyes i said"ok". Anyway, i left the meeting and later thought "am i Disclosing too much in this meeting?"Does Rebecca see me as too "sick" to help her. Random ego thoughts, after all it is all about me and my look good. Again, ego thoughts)Rebecca called me the next day and left a message on my phone. She stated she was going to go to spend the night at a friends house who was support person. Her message sounded upbeat I called her back but only got her voice mail. I stated that would be fine as long as that person didn't drink or use and if they did that she would need to call me back. She never called me back. So i summed this up as she's with someone who's clean/sober. I went to the home the next day and found Rebecca dead in her bed. I felt and still feel some guilt today. Questions like "why didn't i just go over there?" "If you weren't so stuck in your own garbage you could of been there for her""Gee, God i thought you wanted me to do this". I have had some wonderful individuals that have hung in there with me and work with me to get through all the emotional pain of dealing with someones sucide. Thank you!!!!!Did i think that this home would save individuals?? Am i thier savior?? Am i really out to help or is it about my ego?? I still bounce back an forth in my ego today. When im in a right relationship with God and allow him to flow through me im ok. But look out!! my "self " does get in the way. You know i can say im not responsible for Rebecca's death today. I loved her and i did give her, at times, "the best of me". Can i give someone the best of me all the time? No, Im only human and God in his grace and mercy gets me through the day. God's peace to you all, thanks again my family and friends